


Cuz Your Love is All I Need (You Both)

by heecheondo (bERUkUN)



Series: (ᴖ◡ᴖ)♪ polytagon [2]
Category: Pentagon (Korean Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Background/Established jinhongseok, Backgroung non exclusive 98z, Childhood Friends, Huidawn if you tint your head exactly 46.8 degrees to the right, M/M, Multi, POV Third Person, Polyamory, Shinwon-centric, but only because hyojong is in denial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 20:30:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10343997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bERUkUN/pseuds/heecheondo
Summary: It's always have been him and Changgu. But suddenly it was him and Changguand Yan An, and Shinwon doesn't really know how to deal with the change.





	

**Author's Note:**

> title's from [lloyd's all i need](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9XDdKdIHXU) (except the parenthesis ofc because no one writes abt poly in songs, only about the One ugh), it was random basically but that song is hot and I thought it fitted so shhhh  
> also special thanks for [dabtagon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/dabtagon/pseuds/dabtagon) who wrote ao3's first 98z poly fic and then when I mentioned this other ot3 said the combo was cute and "honestly the world doesn't deserve that but i would love it".... It gave me motivation to finish this lol (and by finish I mean start I was lazy af but then started writing and it became a mONSter THIS IS HUGE)  
> I've reread this a lot but I kind of wrote this in pieces so the older parts I stopped reading as carefully (just checked if the story was on the same track) so I'm sorry if there are errors or small confusion things but anyway pls enjoy the ride and idk comment if I did something drastically bad and/or confusing ye

Shinwon met Changgu when he was seven. The younger boy's family had just moved to the house next to his and his mother insisted to bring him to visit and welcome them into the neighborhood, as well as give them some homemade cookies. Mrs. Yeo had brighten when she saw the two, inviting them in and calling her husband and son to at least greet them. While the adults chatted in the kitchen, Shinwon was left with the cookies his mom has made in the living room with the boy, a six year old back then. He seemed shy at first, but it was probably because he was in a new place with no friends, the older kid thought. Shinwon offered a cookie to the boy, who quietly took it and ate it, and when the younger gave him a warm smile, he decided he'd be the best kind of friend Changgu could have.

Not that he was _indeed_ shy. Shinwon now knew him for almost fifteen years and if there was something his dongsaeng wasn't it was shy. He was in fact really friendly and charming: once he got used with his new surroundings and opened up, his welcoming personality attracted many people, he became popular fast during middle school and it remained that way until high school. However, no matter where he were or who he met he'd never forget his first friend, he’d never leave him behind. Wonnie-hyung, like he called him back them, was the number one on his heart and they’d never be apart. They've become best friends quickly and they were practically glued, just like Changgu had promised. They went out a lot and also had many sleep-overs at each other's house, sharing everything. Except for when Shinwon graduated from middle and then high school, the two of them would always be together. Sometimes people would say they were actually boyfriends (the first time it happened they pretended to be disgusted at that, mainly because they knew each other's dirty secrets and habits and they'd refuse to have a partner like that. “Hyung picks at his nose, I'd never kiss that mouth!”, Changgu once said. Shinwon had shrugged back then, saying it was his loss, but mostly to hide the little _crack_ his heart did). They had the kind of friendship that nothing would ever be strong enough to ruin them.

So this is probably the reason why, after so many years of unbreakable friendship, Shinwon should _not_ be worried about being or not left behind. The older boy was far from being popular (the elder he became his awkwardness grew with him and because of that he wasn't popular like the younger, always surrounded by people) but even after they parted ways the two of them kept in touch. Even with the older of the two having to attend university they still met sometimes and talked about everything and anything, from silly things to personal issues.

But then he looked at the strange man in front of him, and he looked back at him, and something inside him screamed _caution_.

“Hyung, this is my roommate, Yan An! He's arrived recently from China, but his Korean is already really good. He's also majoring Literature!,” Changgu said when they met during lunch. It was the younger man's first year into university (not that classes had started, they still had half a week, but the students had started moving in a fortnight earlier) and Shinwon had been really happy they'd once more attend at the same place. He had invited the younger to lunch with him, just like they did on high school, but he wasn't expecting him to bring someone else and, okay, normally he _wouldn't_ mind. But five minutes observing them and he could already tell the two of them clicked in such a way, any stranger would assume they were the ones who grew together. Shinwon felt like _he_ was the stranger, and not Yan An. Maybe it was because they were the same age, or because they have the same major, or simply because they're interested with each other. Not that he'd blame the Chinese for that, Changgu was an amazing person, a lovely friend, and he'd bet he would be an adorable boyfriend too. Not to mention how fine he was, head to toe. He had to admit, though, that Yan An wasn't behind him. He was tall, probably taller than himself, and at first he was super handsome. He didn't talk much, but his nodding and short smiles were already so adorable the older couldn't help but want to admire. And the way they looked at each other, it was calming, in a way. Yet it also made him feel some kind of pain inside, he couldn't verbalize it, but he hated it.

“--nwon-hyung wouldn't mind, right, hyung?”

The older blinked at the two ninety six liners. He didn't even realize he'd tunned their conversation off until he heard his name on his favourite dongsaeng’s tongue. “I wouldn't mind what?”

Changgu raised a brow. “Weren't you listening to us? How cruel of you,” and then he pouted, he _dared_ to pout in such a cute way he often did to get into the older man's soft side. “Remember you said we could go to the park near the campus on Saturday? I thought it'd be a good to bring Yan An along, since he's new and all, but only if you don't mind.”

Ah.

Shinwon forced a smile, hoping it didn't look so. “Sure. I don't mind.”

His dongsaeng smiled really wide, and then Yan An was smiling too, although shyly, and Shinwon didn't know what he was feeling, but it was _bad_.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He said he didn't mind. But the thing was, he did.

He lied to himself even since he woke up, _Koh Shinwon, you are_ **_not_ ** _jealous nor will_ **_be_ ** _jealous. You'll go out with Changgu and everything will be nice. Yan An will come along and you'll even get to know him better. You're not being replaced nor forgotten, Changgu is simply making a new friend, and so are you, so there's nothing to worry._

Yet, the moment he heard knocking on his apartment door, he felt an anxiety he hadn't feel in a long time. He checked himself in the mirror a last time, leaving his room moments later.

As much that hurt seeing how his beloved childhood friend had his attention (unfairly) divided, it was admirable how sweet he was being to his same age friend. Changgu was naturally like that, even with people older than him. It was one of the things he adored the most on him. The young Korean pointed at places he recognised, sharing with his Chinese friend some nice memories he had there, recommending good places to eat and had fun. Shinwon tried to contain his blush as he noticed most of the stories had him in it (and most of them he had to butt in and stop him from finishing, because Yan An didn't need to know all the embarrassing things he had done as a preteen).

Once in the park, Shinwon sat in a bench and watched as the two youngers decided to play around with a Frisbee. It was amusing, but his mind wasn't thinking of that. His mind was traveling in time, reminding him that once upon a time it was him and Changgu versus the world. Him and Changgu climbing the trees next to the neighborhood's park, him and Changgu using sticks as swords, him and Changgu spread on the floor looking at the sky and sharing stories. He missed those days, they were dear to the older.

(Once they went to that park at night, without their parents knowing, and they just stayed on the grass for almost an hour. Shinwon’s mom almost killed him afterwards, but it was _so_ worth it. The younger boy had cried at his window and asked him to come as he somehow felt calmer here, and who was him to deny him? That night, his dongsaeng told him he liked boys as much as he liked girls, and that he had a crush on a boy his class, but he had heard him say ugly things about ‘this kind of people’ and it hurt him. Shinwon then hugged him and said he was beautiful, and probably said something bad about the boy, making the younger smile. Once he calmed down, he admitted not having any interest in girls. Changgu laughed, but then apologized, his only words being _“sorry for assuming”._ It was one of his favourite memories, and probably when he realized his feelings might not be _entirely_ platonic, yet he often pretended he didn't know.)

But they hadn't come as him and Changgu. It was him and Changgu _and Yan An._ He wasn't sure what to think of it. 

The sun suddenly was blocked, making him return to the present moment. Yan An was looking at him with a soft face, asking him if it was okay for him to sit besides him. He nodded.

“Where's Changgu?”

“Went to get some ice cream.”

“Shouldn't you go with him? He only has two hands, you know.”

He didn't want to sound so harsh, the younger resembled of a scared puppy and he felt guilty, but before he could say anything he was smiling once again. “I'm not having it. I'm on a diet.”

Oh.

“You two seems pretty close”, he continued after a while. “He mentions you a lot, it seems like he hold you dear, as if you're the most important person for him.”

The older looked up to the sky. “We know each other almost forever, that's probably why.”

He hummed. “You two must be really in love.”

_Wha--?_

The Korean eyes widened at that and Yan An blinked at it a couple of times. “You're his boyfriend, right?”

“Wha-- No, oh no! We're just,” he paused and licked his lips, not really wanting to say the next word. “We're just friends. He's my best friend.”

Yan An made an _o_ with his mouth, looking a bit surprised. “Are you two single, then?” Shinwon nodded. Well, Changgu would tell him if he had someone, even if it was a tiny hopeless crush, so he was absolutely sure the younger Korean was as single as himself. “I'm sorry for assuming, but I really thought you were dating. From the way you look at him to the way he talks about you, it seemed like that.” He looked at his feet, and was that a blush forming on his cheeks? “You'd be a cute couple,” he then whispered, but Shinwon managed to hear it.

Before he could comment though he heard Changgu’s voice, handing him one of the ice creams he had in hands. “Sorry hyung, your favourite flavour was out of stock. But I know you like this too, so.”

“Thank you, Changgu-yah,” he said, and quickly looked back at Yan An, but he was still glaring at his feet, cheek definitely pink.

Shinwon didn't know what to think of it, but it’s not like he had the time to, since Changgu started blabbing about their shared memories once more. The Chinese man was quieter than before, the older noticed, but didn’t dare point it out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The rest of their meeting passed too fast for the older to remember all the details, them ending up on a cafeteria and then each heading their home once the sky started to get dark. The only thing he remembers was staring at his tall dongsaeng’s backs while they parted, talking cheerfully about something he didn't catch up. It was a nice scene, he almost wished he was there with them, but he'd probably be once more standing awkwardly by their side like a shadow.

The first class as a sophomore soon passed by, and just as quickly the entire month ended. Surprisingly, the ninety five liner met new people and befriended them, having someone besides Changgu (and Yan An) to talk during lunch. In fact, their schedule didn't always match his own, so it was probably the best like that. Not that he never saw the duo, nor hated their companion, but he didn’t have to eat lunch by himself and his thoughts in case they were busy.

“Jinho-hyung is mad at me,” his same major senior, Hongseok, said when the younger asked why he looked like shit (his words). Usually, his hyung would said something just as ‘nice’ back at this punk who dared sass his elders (his words), but he seemed too emotionally hurt to do it this time.

“What did you do?”, Hwitaek asked, visibly concerned. They had only met because he was close to Hongseok, since his major was music production and not engineering, and they quickly became close as well, much to Shinwon’s surprise, but it was more the older’s fault. He was just too likeable and caring to be shut down.

“I didn't do anything!”, he started, but one raised eyebrow from the older and he sighed. “It was our 600th day yesterday and I pretended I forgot it all day because I wanted to make a surprise, but now he's all grumpy at me.”

“Well, did you surprise him?”

“ _Yes,_ Shinwon, I did, everything went according to the plan, and in my humble opinion it was fucking stunning, but he still won't look me in the face. I even slept on the couch! My body is killing me and I still have to work out.”

“Uh-uh, you're resting. Work out a little tougher next week or something, but don't you dare overdo your back,” the self proclaimed dad of the group said before biting on his sandwich.

“Plus,” the younger interviewed, “Jinho-hyung might think you are using it to avoid him or something. Why don't you just apologize once your classes end? Take him for dinner, maybe?”

“Yeah, isn't he free today?”

“Yeah, it's the only day he has no classes,” Hongseok mumbled. “I don't know, I tried apologizing before but he didn't accept it.”

Hwitaek patted his shoulder. “He probably cooled down, trust me. It'll be fine.”

Shinwon wanted to add something but just then his phone started beeping and curiosity hit him. He usually doesn't receive messages on weekdays except in two specific scenarios: it's some partner asking about a work they had to do together, but there were none that semester, so it was probably the second option, a _certain_ dongsaeng who urgently needs his hyung--  

> 12:31pm: (unknown) hyungggg!
> 
> 12:31pm: (unknown) it's me, yanan~

Oh.

Well, not _exactly_ wrong, but it wasn't who he'd expected. Before he could react the messages continued popping up. 

> 12:32pm: (unknown) i stole ur number from changgie
> 
> 12:32pm: (unknown) don't tell him!!!! he dosnt know i know his pass
> 
> 12:35pm: (unknown) anywa
> 
> 12:37pm: (unknown) this will sound random probably but
> 
> 12:37pm: (unknown) maybe youd like to go out w me????

He wants to _what?_

“You look like you've seen a ghost.” Looking up, he noticed both his hyungs staring at him. He hang on with his mouth open, not really knowing what to say. “Is it Changgu? Is everything all right?”, the oldest asked.

“No, it's… it's Yan An?”

Two pairs of eyes widened. “The kid you're jealous over because of Changgu?”

“Jea-- Wha-- I'm not jealous of anyone, Hongseok-hyung--”

“How does he even have your number?”

“Changgu, probably.”

“Yeah, he said he stole it from him and--”

 _“Huh”,_ both his hyungs said in unison.

Shinwon raised an eyebrow. “What… is it supposed to mean?”

Hongseok looked at Hwitaek, who looked back at him, and they had some kind of parental telepathic conversation that made Shinwon shiver. But then, the taller one smiled, looking at his dongsaeng. “So, aren't you replying to him?”

“What--”

“Look at the time! I have to go, tell Anie I said hi!”, and like that the oldest of the two simply got up and left, not forgetting to pat both his dongsaeng’s shoulders. Hongseok nodded at the youngest man, mumbling something about going to his class soon and leaving him alone with his phone in hands. What should he even say to Yan An?

> 12:37pm: (unknown) i mean a friend of mine invited changgie n i to a party but he refused to invite u cuz
> 
> 12:37pm: (unknown) 1), the friend is mine n
> 
> 12:38pm: (unknown) 2), u and party dont work out
> 
> 12:38pm: (unknown) his words, idk what it mean 
> 
> 13:38pm: (unknown) we're both coming and i thought, why not u come w us?
> 
> 12:42pm: (unknown) sooooo, whatcha think?
> 
> 12:57pm: (unknown) hyung?

Oh. It’s him… _and_ Changgu. Of course. Silly of him for thinking it’d be something else. 

> 13:03pm: (me) sry was talkin 2 huihyung n seokkiehyung
> 
> 13:03pm: (me) they sent u hi btw, but they already left so
> 
> 13:03pm: (me) abt this party, where is it? im not fond of parties but i can think abt it
> 
> 13:04pm: (Yan Anie) !!!
> 
> 13:04pm: (Yan Anie) really!!!! nice
> 
> 13:05pm: (Yan Anie) i’ll send u all the info thennn~~
> 
> 13:05pm: (Yan Anie) his house is near the dorms so u won't be lost ~
> 
> 13:05pm: (me) well see abt that
> 
> 13:05pm: (Yan Anie) u can't be srs
> 
> 13:06pm: (Yan Anie) it's literally the next road
> 
> 13:06pm: (me) still possible for me
> 
> 13:06pm: (Yan Anie) mmm
> 
> 13:07pm: (Yan Anie) then we'll pick u up
> 
> 13:07pm: (Yan Anie) like when we went to the park!!!!
> 
> 13:07pm: (me) sure, if i do go that is ;)
> 
> 13:08pm: (Yan Anie) it's basically already settled hyung
> 
> 13:08pm: (Yan Anie) u coming with us :)~
> 
> 13:09pm: (me) D:
> 
> 13:09pm: (Yan Anie) hihih
> 
> 13:09pm: (Yan Anie) well!!!!!
> 
> 13:09pm: (Yan Anie) my class is starting so i’ll send it the info to you later on!!!!!
> 
> 13:10pm: (me) k, see ya yananah~
> 
> 13:10pm: (Yan Anie) :}

Shinwon stared at his phone. Okay, so. He was confused. He was absolutely, _entirely_ sure Yan An only talked to him because of Changgu. Until this moment the younger had never tried any kind of conversation with him directly, and when there was the three of them he barely even talked to him. He wondered that maybe the Chinese only talked to him because he had to, or something like that, but then he wouldn’t invite him to this party, right? And it wasn’t like he had invited him just because he was his friend, no, he actually stole his number just to do it, even after their common friend had said he’d probably not come. But then… they would hang out together, as in the three of them, just like it’s been even since the day at the park. Maybe he just wanted to be sure that, indeed, he’d not go to the party just like Changgu said and the two of them could go alone and leave him behind with no guilt--

Okay, maybe he was overthinking it. He didn’t know, but he had classes in less than twenty minutes, and his now cold lunch was still only half eaten, so he decided to push his thoughts away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Looking himself in the mirror, he kind of regretted all his life's choices.

Okay, not _all_ of them. Only the one that involved him going to a party Friday night instead of doing what he does the best: _sleep_. He had to admit though, he looked like a natural party boy and he wasn't even trying hard. He was wearing a relatively old skinny jeans with holes on his knees, a simple shirt that made his shoulders stand out and a black high top sneaker. He was also wearing a few rings, but nothing much. He was proud of himself.

He was giving his hair its final touches when the ninety six duo arrived at his door.

“Hey-- woah, Shinwon-hyung! You look stunning.”

He wouldn't lie, Shinwon deep down knew he was good looking. But when the compliment came from someone else, no, from _Changgu_ of all people, it made him feel utterly beautiful. He then looked at the taller man behind him who'd been nodding at his same age friend's commentary, which made the feeling increase.

“Thanks. You two don't look bad either.”

“Don't look bad? Wow hyung, you wound me like that.”

“I don't think that's what he meant, Changgu”, Yan An smiled, and it somehow felt incredibly nice of him. “Well, let's get going, hyung, the party probably already started. Sorry for being late, by the way.”

“His fault.”

“You took too long on the shower, it took part of my precious time!”

The older of the two only giggled at that.

The walk to the party was quiet but it wasn't a bad silence. Shinwon felt comfortable walking with his dongsaengs in front of him (who were probably chatting, but they were speaking in such a low voice the older couldn't be sure). He thought how would the house look like, as well as the ones living in it. Yan An mentioned that the house was under a Japanese boy's name, called Yuto, but he lived together with a Korean hyung by the name of Kim Hyojong. The foreign was still in high school, graduating soon, but was of age and ended up being dragged on parties by his roommate, who apparently lived for them. He didn't know how the two of them ended up together (and he also didn't exactly knew what _together_ meant) but it wasn't any of his business to butt in.

Once they arrived, Yan An knocked on the door and after nearly freezing his butt outside he clearly looked uneasy, wondering if someone would be able to listen to it due to the loud music, but moments later it was opening, a very tall man looking down at them. He looked really, really young, but his intense glare and size made him a little bit frightened.

“Oh, Yan Anie-hyung”, a deep voice said, and it didn't help Shinwon to fear him regardless if he was younger or not. “Thought you'd never appear.”

“I went to Shinwon-hyung’s to avoid having him lost,” he smiled, pointing at him. “And this is my roommate Changgu, I probably already mentioned him once or twice. Guys, this is Wooseokkie!”

His dongsaengs shared a hey, but all he did was nod at the tall kid.

“Well, come inside, hyungs. Yuto and Hyojong-hyung will be happy knowing you're finally here.”

Shinwon quietly followed the Chinese, who was lively chatting with the new boy, Changgu right behind himself, maybe a little bit too close than he'd like. It was probably to not lose track of his two friends, yet it still made the older feel _something_. He wasn't sure what it was but it was there and it wasn't really a good thing.

The place wasn't too crowded, but maybe the house was just too big. Yan An mentioned on their way that this Yuto guy had a rich family in Japan and even though he decided to go to Korea study by himself his parents still kind of spoiled him with money, so he was already expecting something a little bit cooler than the shoe box he lives in.

“Yuto, Yan An-hyung is here!”, Wooseok shouted towards a short boy (well, he was quite tall, but next to the younger everyone was short) who was on the counter with another boy really closely. Shinwon wondered if they were making out or simply chatting, the lighting didn't help, but once they heard the tall boy's voice they parted.

“Finally, hyung, what took you so long?” the tan boy looked at the two strangers and introduced himself as Yuto, and his smiley companion was called Hyunggu. Yan An smiled brightly at them and introduced his friends.

“Oh, Changgu-hyung! He talks about you a lot”, Hyunggu said. The older kind of expected that, they were really close friends after all. “I was hoping we could meet up soon. And Shinwon-hyung, too.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, pretty sure hyung mentioned you but he didn't give us many details?”, the host completed.

“I… see.”

“That's a funny reaction to have, hyung”, Hyunggu said, hugging the Japanese’s neck. Only then he noticed the boy was sitting on his lap and suddenly felt as he was third wheeling. He thanked the lighting of the place, or better, the lack of light, because he was certainly blushing of embarrassment. “Aren't you glad your dongsaeng talks of you?”

“Well, did he say good things about me?” he involuntarily smirked at them, and he was surprised Hyunggu did the same. Yuto’s face did twitch a bit, but it was unreadable. The older wasn't really paying attention to him anyway.

“Not with all the details, but he did mention you being really handsome and sexy.” the younger got up at that, getting closer and closer to Shinwon, right hand in his left shoulder. “Glad you came. His descriptions doesn't do justice.”

“Is this something good?”

The shorter man giggled. He wanted to look away, but he couldn't. Fuck, the kid was hot. _Really_ hot, it was unfair. “Of course it is. It means you're _way_ hotter than I imagined.”

The older just froze, but gladly he didn't need to do anything because someone cleaned their throat behind him to his rescue. “I think Hyojong-hyung wants to talk to you two?”, he heard a familiar voice say.

Hyunggu looked at the owner of the voice, then back at Yuto, who took his hand and with no more words the two left.

“You okay, hyung? You looked like you were panicking.”

The older turned to meet the Chinese’s stare and nodded.

Yan An approached his ear so he'd listen to him better. “Sorry that I left, it's been a while since I last spoke to Hyojong-hyung and it'd be rude if I didn't at least say hi to the owner of the house, but I thought you and Changgu were following me?”

“Changgu isn't with you?”

“No, I think I lost him”, he got a little distant from Shinwon’s body, not much, but enough to look at him directly in the eyes. “But since we're here, we could drink something and hope he'll return soon?”

The Korean found himself nodding again, sitting where the host had been moments ago.

“Did those two bother you?” his dongsaeng said after a shot.

“Hm, not really?”

“What exactly did they say?”

The older shivered. _Well, they mentioned you calling me handsome and sexy?,_ but it was probably them fooling with him, so he just shrugged. “I think all they did was flirt with me.”

Yan An giggled like he usually did, but this time it felt different. He was adorable. “That's normal between them. It's the ninety eight line thing, although Wooseok is a bit shyer than those two.”

“What thing?”

“They're kind of into each other? The three of them. But they also aren’t exclusive, so if they find someone interesting they can be like that. It's not always and if you ask them to stop they will, don't worry.”

“They think I'm interesting? Someone like me? As if.”

Yan An looked at him as if he was joking. “Really? After the way Hyunggu stared at me when I interrupted him, I'm absolutely sure at least he was into you. Seriously, hyung, you're _fine_.”

Shinwon looked at him and raised an eyebrow but decided against the question that formed on the back of his mind. “Have they flirted with you before?”, he asked instead.

A smirk. A goddamn seductive _smirk_ formed on the younger’s lip as he stared back at him. Shinwon cursed the alcohol. “Kind of? I remember Yuto did, and I guess Wooseok awkwardly tried to hit on me once too, but it was too funny for me to catch it on. Guess Hyunggu never tried because of that.”

He simply hummed, drinking the second (or was it third?) refill. He started feeling warm inside, and conversation kept going. He tried not drinking much, not that he was light for these things, but he was most likely to spill things without thinking and was also much moodier when drunk. He wanted to avoid it.

Yan An, though, wasn't on the same page as him. He lost the count of how many times he refilled his cup and started to get worried for him, whom started whining like a child who just got denied candy. Changgu hadn't appeared yet and he wasn't sober enough to deal with an emotional dongsaeng. He was already quite impatient with no alcohol in his system and it only helped to worsen it.

“I think we should go, Yan Anie.”

The younger just kept complaining and if he wasn't an impatient ass maybe he'd find it cute. _Maybe_. Shinwon managed to make him stand, but he couldn't walk by himself. The older groaned.

“Do you want some air, at least?”

“No hyung, just stay with me ple~ase” was his reply drunk smile on his face. It was kind of creepy, he never thought he'd see that kind of expression on his face.

The older ignored what he said, dragging him to the garden. He expected someone to be there, maybe a couple making out in private, but it was deserted. He was glad.

“Want me to get you some water? I can look for Changgu too--”

Yan An cut him, spitting a “Do you hate me, hyung?” with a tired face. Shinwon blinked a few times, not really knowing what to say. “Why is it always about him? And Changgu too, most of the times is Shinwon-hyung _this_ and Shinwon-hyung _that_ , but at least he talks to me you know? He tells me if something is bothering him and asks me if I'm alright too, if I'm comfortable or if I need help with the assignments because of the language barrier. But you? You barely talk to me and when you do it's about Changgu, or because we're hanging out, the three of us.”

“Yan An…”

“No, hyung, answer me. Do you hate me?”

He stared at the younger boy, who was staring intensely at him. _Does he?_  No, he was certain he doesn't hate Yan An. Although everyone says he's jealous of the Chinese - and maybe they're a _little bit_ right, but just a bit - he actually enjoys his presence. Well, the boy wasn't wrong that they mostly hang as a trio, and they rarely keep in touch when their friend in common isn't near. But hate? He'd never.

“I don't hate you, Yan An. It's just… can we talk about it later? You're… not sober.”

He groaned, but his expression softened, understanding what his hyung meant. “Sorry. Fuck, I'm screaming at you and I'll probably not even remember it tomorrow. It was supposed to be a fun day, I can't believe I ruined tonight.”

“Hey, you didn't. It's okay, as your elder I shouldn't let you drink so much.”

Yan An smiled at him and his eyes shined. Shinwon hadn't pay much attention to it before, but at that moment he couldn't stop thinking how the boy was handsome. And kind, too. He was a sweetheart, he felt bad for making him think he was hated.

“You're pretty”, he whispered and he hoped the younger didn't hear. He did, though, as the corner of his mouth got up.

“So are you, hyung. So are you.”

He could feel his breath on his skin, realizing their faces were really, really close to each other. Yan An looked down, probably staring his lips, and Shinwon did the same. If any of then moved forward a little bit their lips would met, the older thought. So, without thinking more, that's exactly what he did.

 _Why?_ He doesn't know. It just felt right.

It was a small peck at first, like an experiment, then he backed off to watch how the Chinese would react. He didn't move, but his cheeks got pink(er), eyes slowly opening. Shinwon didn't know if he should apologize and let it die there or if he should try his luck once more, but in the end it didn't matter because Yan An’s lips was on his this time, his body closer than before. The older automatically reached for his hip, while the younger clinged to his shirt. Soon their pecks were more than innocent pecks, the Korean sucking on the other's bottom lip, receiving a moan as response, and kissing him with more heat, more tongue. Air was soon missing and they parted, but it only took them a few moments for the older to lock their lips once more, being pulled by the younger who practically set him on his lap. Their breath was getting heavier but Yan An didn't stop him, Shinwon didn't want to stop himself, blame it on the alcohol but it felt so _right_ to have his dongsaeng’s lips on his own, then moving to his jaw and to his earlobe, biting lightly and he wanted _more_ , but then the door behind them opened and they jumped from each other, hoping whoever left the house didn't saw them. The figure was on his back, thank god, having problems with closing the door. Shinwon wanted to look away and ignore them and _continue_ but then the figure turned and oh _fuck_ it was Changgu.

“Oh, there you are, were you hiding from someone?”, he smiled sweetly at them and something ached inside him. He didn't know what but he somehow felt as if he'd betrayed Changgu a few seconds ago.

“Uhh”, Shinwon replied. Suddenly it was so hard to form words? He coughed, hoping his childhood friend didn't notice his inner trouble. “Yan An wasn't feeling well so I thought a bit of air would do him good..”

“Really?”, the young Korean went closer to his same age friend and handed him a bottle of water he had been holding. “You'll need this then. Isn't it better if we get him home, then?”

Shinwon nodded. “I thought so too but I couldn't do it alone.”

Changgu smiled. “At least our dorm is close by. Let's go, hyung.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The first thing Shinwon felt when he woke up was a light, yet very annoying headache, and he was glad it was Saturday because that meant he could stay in bed all day long and not worry about class the next day. Then, he smelled breakfast, and decided against his first thought and opened his eyes, staring at the roof of his flat. Except, the roof was a little off, it wasn't as he remembered.

And _then_ it clicked: he wasn't home.

But why? He stopped and tried recovering his memories. He didn't drink much, so he would soon remember. He had arrived at the party, met a tall dude, then the host and his boyfriend (if he was called like that, he didn't know how that thing worked), got flirted by same boyfriend, then got saved by Yan An, drank with him, left to the garden…. _Oh._ Then they drunkenly make out. And then Changgu appeared and helped Yan An arrive at their flat, and insisted the older to stay.

That's it. Nothing else. Except, well, he drunkenly made out to his dongsaeng after the younger admitted he thought he hated him, and he actually enjoyed it?

But wasn't he in love with Changgu?

(Thinking now, Shinwon wasn't sure if he had talked about Yan An being in love with his best friend or himself being in love with him.)

“Oh, you're awake”, he heard said boy's voice as he entered his bedroom. “Did you sleep well, hyung?”

“Yeah”, he caught himself saying. “Where's Yan An?”

“On the bed next to yours. I mean, mines.” He smiled. “I've made breakfast, and I also have some medicine for the hangover. Come, and let him rest, he drank way too much.”

Shinwon groaned but did as he was told, body too heavy to cooperate but he managed. It was for a good cause, food. Changgu asked how it was the party for him and the older caught himself saying he enjoyed it.

“Really? But I thought you hated that kind of stuff. I was surprised you actually accepted to go with us.”

He shrugged. True, he _did_ hate parties, and the events that were held at Yuto’s house weren't exactly cool too, so it wasn't enough to change his mind. Yet, he couldn't help but think that _maybe_ it hadn't been as unpleasant as he imagined.

“But it was good you did come,” he said after a minute of silence, smiling at him. “Not just because you helped me bringing Yan An home, although I'm happy for that too. Ever since the day at the park we barely meet up to have fun, I was expecting us to enjoy ourselves yesterday but I guess that didn't happen.”

“There's always other days.”

Changgu stopped to stare. “Yeah,” he slowly started, “but because of classes and other schedules you rarely see Yan An and I so I don't know when we'll have another chance before the winter break.”

The younger was still smiling but he didn't seem cheerful. It was _sad_ , it pained him to look at his dongsaeng with that look, it didn't suit him at all. It was as if he was… lonely.

Shinwon didn't get the chance to say anything because a groan came from behind them and the younger was up, focusing on the new person by the kitchen. Yan An sat in front of the older, hands in his head, as his roommate gave him pills and a glass of water for his hangover. Without noticing his entire body got stiffen, looking at the Chinese for a while but looking away as soon as the younger turned in his direction. 

"So, Changgu, where were you yesterday?", the older suddenly asked, trying to break the uncomfortable silence that grew up. 

"Oh, I was following Yan An but then he disappeared and I got a bit lost so I looked for you two."

"Sorry Changgu-yah, I shouldn't have left."

The younger Korean said something similar to _'don't blame yourself Yan Anie!'_ but Shinwon's brain was too tired to focus on more than one thing at once, and it was too busy wondering _how adorable Yan An could sound during a hangover?_

"Hyung", he heard a very soft voice calling for him, which made him blink his thoughts away to look once more at the youngest. Because of the hands on his face he couldn't see his expression. "Did you have fun?"

He smiled at Yan An. "I think so, yeah."

The corner of the younger's lip went up. "I'm glad. We should do it again. Also, Changgu," he removed his hand to stare at said man. "You owe me 10000 won."

Changgu's expression changed at least five time in less than ten seconds. "Wha-- You're-- Not now, Yan An-ah!"

Both of his friends complained due to his shout. Changgu smiled apologetic at them, but then Shinwon's brain _clicked_. 

"You had a bet on me? _Woah, I_ don't even know what to think about this."

The short boy was adorably embarrassed by that. "Hyu~ng, not like that! And why did you mention it in front of him, Yan A~n!"

Said boy smirked. "Why not?"

He received a groan as an answer. "Whatever, I hate you."

"I love you too, and your money~."

Shinwon caught himself laughing. That scenario was so weird, the three of them sharing breakfast and teasing freely, but it was weirdly perfect. 

After a bit of chit chat, the older realized it'd be a never ending Saturday. He was feeling too lazy to go home, his body felt heavy, but at the same time he really wanted to return to his small apartment and sleep peacefully, with no human beings to bother him. His childhood friend however, thought that (his words) this was a chance too good to be thrown away. 

"What do you mean, a chance?", Shinwon asked, getting up to leave the kitchen. The younger of the trio had beaten him though, dropping himself on the small couch in front of their television. He was too big to be lying on it, leaving no space for the older duo. 

Changgu didn't seem to mind it and kept the conversation with his hyung. "You said the three of us could have another days for having fun together, right? Why not today?"

"I don't know if you noticed, Changgu", Yan An said from the couch, "but I'm dead. And hyung is half way there."

"I didn't mean that we should go to another party and get you two drunk again, I mean we should hang together, and that we can do here, for example."

Shinwon liked where this was heading to. Enjoy his usually boring Saturday with his two favourite dongsaengs, and indoors? Greatest. Idea. _Ever._ "What do you have in mind, Changgu-yah?"

"Well, I had thought of Netflix and pizza all day, but I'm not sure if the asshole dead on the couch is in the same page."

"Pizza?", the younger boy was now paying full attention to his roommate, eyes wide open at the thought of the junk food. "I hadn't had pizza in forever. I'm on a diet, remember."

"Yan An-ah~", the older whinned and wow, was there still alcohol in him? Why was he acting cute towards someone younger. "Are you saying no to _pizza_? I can't believe this."

"Just this once, Yan An~! For us~."

The Chinese stared at his friends for a while, and then sat properly on the couch. "Fine. Just because you asked nicely."

Changgu, who a few moments was near Shinwon, had hurried to the couch to hug his same major friend, saying a bunch of thank you under his breath. Shinwon didn't really know how to react, but then the younger Korean stared at him and he knew he wanted him to join. He reluctantly did, and he couldn't help but hope the younger wouldn't mind it. Yan An didn't complain until, long minutes later, he told one of them to move their ass and buy their lunch. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

> 8:24pm: (Changguya♡) hyung, u home?
> 
> 8:39pm: (me) jst arrived
> 
> 8:39pm: (Changguya♡) thank god
> 
> 8:40pm: (Changguya♡) for a moment i thought u wld get lost
> 
> 8:41pm: (Changguya) if yanana wanst so wrecked id go w u :(
> 
> 8:44pm: (me) its k
> 
> 8:44pm: (Changguya♡) bt anw
> 
> 8:45pm: (Changguya♡) thank u for coming
> 
> 8:45pm: (Changguya♡) n for stayng 2day, p sure u were dying to go home
> 
> 8:45pm: (me) u rite
> 
> 8:46pm: (me) but it was nothing dont worry :)
> 
> 8:47pm: (Changguya♡) :0
> 
> 8:47pm: (Changguya♡) u mean it?
> 
> 8:49pm: (me) ye
> 
> 8:50pm: (Changguya♡) then… yay!
> 
> 8:50pm: (Changguya♡) ill log out then, hve a baby to take care of :/
> 
> 8:51pm: (Changguya♡) dnt stay up too late! and dont forget to eat before sleeping!
> 
> 8:53pm: (me) dont wrry mom
> 
> 8:53pm: (me) gnight changguya
> 
> 8:53pm: (Changguya♡) :p
> 
> 8:54pm: (Changguya♡) night hyung~♡

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He hoped the next morning was normal. He had already dealt with too many unusual things in one weekend, although he deep down believed it wasn't completely bad to leave his comfort zone at least that _one_ time. But Shinwon had really early morning classes on Mondays, yet he still had an emply schedule before lunch that he often used to study or grab a snack (and sometimes, when exam weeks weren't so near, he'd go bother his seniors), yet this time he managed to cross ways with his dongsaengs before they went to their classes, Changgu glued to Yan An who didn't seem against it. The older boy had tired eyes while the younger seemed like he'd slept like a baby, and although they were that close all the time... It was an unusual scene.

The Chinese quickly spotted him and smiled wide. "Hey hyung~. Good morning, leaving classes already?"

"Yeah, my first period just ended. But you two should hurry up, or you'll be late." Yan An nodded at him and then poked his roommate's arm, since he had tuned their conversation off. 

"Yeah, we're going. But before we go I was thinking, can I add you on a group chat?"

Shinwon quietly looked at the younger. 

"You know, Changgu really want us to hang around more, but because of our schedules we can almost never do it. So I thought, if we had a chat only for us we could plan it better and talk about anything and... Yeah!" He had toned his voice down as he spoke, but by the end rose it once more. "So, what do you think?"

He blinked. That was actually a great idea? "Sure, add me. I know you know my number."

Yan An stared at the older's smirk for a few seconds, but then turned away hoping he didn't blush in front of his hyung. "I'll add you then. Let's go, Changgu."

Said boy blinked at them, and it seemed that he was slept on Yan An's arm while they spoke. 

Shinwon patted him. "Hey, Changgu, are you okay?"

Said boy mumbled something that seemed quite close to _yeah, I'm fine_ , but he wasn't sure. 

If the older of the three had paid him some attention he probably would have catched the disappointed look Yan An's eyes had for less than a second. "He's been having trouble sleeping for a while and we woke up too late for us to grab coffee. Don't worry, hyung, I'll take care of him."

The older boy decided to not ask anything, as they were probably late to their class, but as he saw they walk away his mind had wandered around. Changgu slept like a rock, unless he had something bothering him deeply. He wondered what it was and why didn't he talk to him about it, but by the way the younger spoke maybe he didn't feel as close to him as he once did. Well, he _did_ sound lonely when he mentioned they don't hang out much anymore. Maybe that was it. _Or_ , maybe, he'd done something that harmed his relationship with the younger. Or maybe Yan An told him about the kiss and felt heartbroken? Nah, scratch that, Yan An didn't show any sign that he remembered that. He probably did something that Changgu didn't like. He should do something. 

"Shinwon I swear to God your brain is your worst enemy," he whispered to himself after a while. Why was he like that, why did he think so much, _too much_ about everything? 

He hated _feelings._

He lightly shaked his head and, although he was behind on his studies, he decided to go bother his seniors instead, to liften his mood. 

"Jinho-hyung~! It's been so long since I last saw you," he shouted as he entered the cafeteria, hugging the small hyung. 

"I'm also here, punk. Don't pretend you haven't seen me."

"It's not that I haven't seen you, Hongseok-hyung, but I see you too much for my likings so I'm used with your face already."

Said hyung simply rolled his eyes. 

The older laughed at their teasing but decided to stay out of it. It was for the best. "Shouldn't you be studying right now, Shinwon? The exams are coming soon."

He sighed. "I know hyung, but I didn't feel like it so I came see you and annoy your boyfriend instead."

"We're honoured", his same major senior deadpanned, which made the oldest of them laugh once more at the scene.

"If I didn't know you two I'd say you hate each other's guts."

"I do", they jokingly said at the same time. It wasn't that they hated themselves, they just teased each other more than they'd tease someone else. 

"But since I hate you _just_ a bit, can I ask what's bothering you?" Hongmom asked a few seconds later. 

"As much as I trust you two, hyungs, I'm not really up to talk about it."

"Is it about your boy?"

"He's called Changgu, hyung."

Normally he'd deny it with all his strengths, but he wasn't in the mood to do so. Hongseok stared at him a bit too long and he felt embarrassed. 

"So it _is_ about him", the older said with a small smile. "I won't press it, but you know we're here for you, okay, Shinwon?"

The younger tried to smile but he was sure it seemed fake. "Thanks, hyung."

He thought that maybe he'd bothered his hyungs too much and should leave but then Jinho was looking at something behind him and waving, and before he noticed there was someone he'd never seen before sitting in front of him, by Hongseok's right. 

"Hyojong-ah, it's been so long since you last came to the cafeteria."

"I usually eat at home but for whatever reason Yuto kind of kicked me out."

"Isn't it too early to be sexiled?"

"I _really_ don't wanna think about it, 'Seok-ah."

Wait, Yuto... and that name... 

"Are you Kim Hyojong-ssi?"

The blond figure looked at his direction as if he didn't realize he had sat with a stranger. Well, he was a friend of friends, he reasoned, so his expression quickly softened. "Hello, I hadn't seen you, sorry. Do I know you?"

"Ah, it's okay, it happens often. I don't know you personally but you're friends with a dongsaeng of mines, Yan An. I'm Koh Shinwon."

As soon as he heard the name he smiled brightly. "Oh, you are _the_ famous Koh Shinwon? It's a pleasure to meet you finally!"

The younger hoped he didn't blush. Seriously, the guy was so handsome even with a messy hair and sleepy, puffy face. It wasn't fair. 

"I didn't know you know Yan An," Jinho suddenly said. 

"How come everyone knows Yan An and I only heard of him?", his boyfriend added. 

Hyojong laughed. "He's shy and has different major than yours, that might be why."

"But I know Changgu."

"Because of _me_ , hyung. And he's very social."

"Details, details," he shrugged. 

Hyojong looked at the younger. "Hongseok is your hyung? No way."

"Yes way, Hyojong-ah. He's the youngest on this table."

"Well, that's only fair, I still can't believe you're the hyung."

"At least hyung is cute."

Jinho blushed cutely and Shinwon felt like puking. The couple was so adorable and pda even after _so_ long into their relationship it was sickening. And to think they had fought a while ago because of something so innocent, but thankful for Hongseok('s back) they reconciled fast. Much like every time they have misunderstandings. 

"It's too early for your love dovey thing, what the hell", Hyojong said but only received a tongue from the oldest while the taller kissed the top of his head. "Don't you uglies have classes?"

His same age friend stared at him. "Don't you have a crush to, I don't know, admire? At this time he's probably practicing."

The blond's face went scarlet and he decided to ignore the couple. Shinwon did the same, not knowing what to do or say after that. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

> You were added to the group chat 96z
> 
> Yan Anie changed the group chat name to the visuals
> 
> 5:02pm: (Yan Anie @ the visuals) done
> 
> 5:02pm: (Yan Anie @ the visuals) i said i would! hihi
> 
> 5:17pm: (me @ the visuals) oh
> 
> 5:19pm: (Changguya♡ @ the visuals) oh indeed.
> 
> 5:19pm: (Yan Anie @ the visuals) cmon guys
> 
> 5:20pm: (Yan Anie @ the visuals) this is The solution 4 our problem
> 
> 5:20pm: (Yan Anie @ the visuals) u shoud thank me ;D
> 
> 5:20pm: (me @ the visuals) thx yananah
> 
> 5:21pm: (me @ the visuals) happy?
> 
> 5:21pm: (Yan Anie @ the visuals) yes hyung!!!!! love u hyung
> 
> 5:21pm: (Yan Anie @ the visuals) changgu? :-)
> 
> 5:22pm: (Changguya♡ @ the visuals) i already told you this was a good idea--
> 
> 5:22pm: (Changguya♡ @ the visuals) but if itll make you happy, 
> 
> 5:26pm: (Changguya♡ @ the visuals) thanks. 
> 
> 5:27pm: (Yan Anie @ the visuals) it took u 4 mins 2type that…..
> 
> 5:27pm: (me @ the visuals) lol
> 
> 5:27pm: (Yan Anie @ the visuals) hyungpls……
> 
> 5:27pm: (Yan Anie @ the visuals) TT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He wanted to die. The exam week would start tomorrow and he didn't feel a second ready for that. It was Sunday and he was dead tired, but instead of going to bed he thought it wouldn't be a bad idea to go out for a glass of coffee. 

Shinwon never thought he'd meet the ninety eight trio again, specially when they were at his university’s cafeteria, on a day almost no student goes by the campus, and he was entirely, _absolutely_ sure none of the three of them attended there.

“What are you three doing here?”

“Oh, it's Shinwonnie-hyung!”, Hyunggu said, and the older shivered lightly because it's been ages since he last heard someone call him like that. Not even his mom call him Shinwonnie anymore. “Come sit with us!”, he continued, patting the spot by his right. The older didn't really feel like sitting besides the guy who _openly_ flirted with him on a party, but the rest of the seats were taken by his (boyfriends? He still wasn't sure how that worked), so it wasn't like he had another choice.

“We were going to meet with Hyojong-hyung but we arrived too early so we're here wasting time instead. This place is the best, your cafeteria is open on a Sunday, how cool is that?", Wooseok smiled at himself and then pointed at the food in front of him. "Fries?”

The older accepted the youngest invitation and ate a couple of fries.

“So, how does you know so many university students when you don't attend here?”

“Ah, Wooseok and I know Hyojong-hyung because of our hobbies,” Hyunggu started. “Hyung is majoring dance and had done a few performances and I met him there, told him I had interest in it too and he kind of took me under his wing.”

“And now he dances better than hyung, not to be biased.”

The second youngest playfully showed the maknae his tongue, but didn't deny it. “By then I was already with this asshole and that's how the two met.”

“He likes writing rap and so does I so we clicked fast.”

"And we were introduced to some of his friends so here we are~."

“In my case I got acquaintance with Yan An-hyung first”, Yuto finally spoke. "I have no idea how Hyojong-hyung knows him but he lives nearby and since we were the only foreigners we kind of had each other's back for some time. I don't know how to explain well. But yeah, because of Yan An-hyung I met practically everyone around here.”

“We're endlessly thankful for that”, Hyunggu grinned, and Wooseok rested his arm on the Japanese’s shoulder.

Shinwon hummed and kept eating, until Wooseok complained it was over. Yuto decided to shut him up with a kiss, and then poked his tight and told him to come with him to get some more.

“Hyung,” the remaining kid spoke once more. “What is Yan An-hyung to you?”

The older raised an eyebrow. “Is this about what happened on the party?”

He thought a bit before answering. “Kind of, I gotta admit. I'm an outsider and this is only the second time we met, but I have a funny feeling, I don't know how to explain. He acted quite possessive of you and I've never seen him like that.”

Shinwon could only silently nod, although he wasn't sure where the younger was going with that.

“You know, hyung is quiet about his feelings”, _unless he's drunk_ , the older mentally added, “but I feel that he really likes you and Changgu-hyung more than anyone he liked before.”

“Wait. Changgu _and_ I? Like… You and Yuto and Wooseok?”

The younger nodded.

“That doesn't really make sense.”

“It probably doesn't for you, hyung, but please think about it. He talked a lot about Changgu-hyung I was _certain_ he was in love with him, but recently he's been mentioning you more often and sounded pretty similar to before. I wasn't sure he liked you both until the party. To be honest I thought he'd never fall for someone, before university he barely hang with any of us. That party you all went to was also the first time he accepted going out, maybe we annoyed him too much and he just said yes to shut us up but I'm also not sure about that.”

The older wondered. Changgu was a bit of a social butterfly, so if Hyunggu was right he accepted going because of him. But then, why invite himself, who hated crowds and loud music? 

"I think you're realizing it _yourself_ , but don't rush. Think about it carefully, hyung. And if you ever need to, talk to me."

Before he could refute it, Yuto and Wooseok returned with a mountain of fries and Shinwon decided to let the conversation die, Hyunggu silently agreeing.

By the end of the day he had three new contacts on his phone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When he woke up the next day, he wasn't expecting his phone to have so many good luck messages. But the ones who caught Shinwon's attention was the two from their chat, a _'gluck hyunngngggg we kno u can do it!!!!!!♪'_ from Yan An and a _'yeah, hyung, u will certainly do well, dont forget to have a good breakfast! ull ace it :*'_ from Changgu. He would probably fail but he felt light and relaxed during the exam. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When the one and a half long week of exams ended all he wanted to do was die. And by _die_ he meant _let his body fall on his bed and hibernate there until he and the furniture become one_. He already knew that won't happen when he saw Yan An in front of his door with a very familiar McDonald's bag. 

"Hyung!", he exclaimed once he saw the older boy approaching. "I'm sorry for standing here for so long but I wasn't sure when you would be back."

The taller boy scratched his head and stared down, blush on his cheek. He seemed nervous, Shinwon noticed. 

"It's okay. I'm glad to see a human being after so long."

His (half) joke did its job, and Yan An's shoulders seemed less stiffen. His expressions also softened. "You didn't contact anyone and I got worried. Changgu told me it was normal and that I shouldn't worry that much but I wanted to be sure, so I decided to step by."

Indeed, even since middle school the older boy cared a lot about his grades and it resulted with him avoiding communication and human interaction the entire exam season, sometimes even a while after. All his friends knew how much of a nerd he was, or at least his  _older_  friends. 

"It's only the first semester exams, you don't want to see me during the finals."

Yan An looked a bit sad at that, but then smiled at him and raised his arm to show the older what he was holding. "Let us not think about it and eat in peace, okay, hyung?"

"Did you bring my favourite?"

"Yup, with Changgu's help. He wanted to come but because he delayed a work he stayed at home. He told me your favorite so I could buy it because he knew you hadn't eaten properly."

He sighed, unlocking the door. "He knows me _way_ too well", he whispered and then turned to his dongsaeng, inviting him in. "After you."

Yan An seemed like he wanted to tease him but entered without a word, heading for the kitchen and putting the bag on the table. 

"Hyung, can I make myself some coffee?"

"Sure, save some for me too", he said as he sat down and searched for his hamburger. 

"You won't manage to sleep later if you have some."

"You underestimate me. Not all the coffee in the world will stop me from sleeping for weeks."

The younger smiled at that, but didn't look towards his hyung. The kitchen kept quiet until the coffee was done and Yan An sat by Shinwon's side. 

"Hyung, how are you feeling?", the younger broke the silence softly. 

"I'm okay, Yan An-ah, really. I'm still a sophomore, these exams are nothing--"

"I didn't mean about that, I meant-- in general. Are you feeling alright?"

The older stopped eating his third sandwich to look at the Chinese. His expression was foreigner for him, he wasn't sure how to read it, so he simply nodded. 

Yan An breathed in and then out. "Hyung, I wanted-- no, I _want_ to talk to you. About the-- about what happened at Yuto's."

Oh. 

 _Oh._ Fuck.

Shinwon gulped, and Yan An saw it. "I know it happened a month ago but not talking about it has been killing me."

The older felt bad for not noticing how uneasy his dongsaeng had been, but it was probably because it had killed him just as much. No one (apparently) noticed it either, but since they were awkward around each other and had conflicting schedules it was impossible for anyone but themselves to see it. 

The Chinese breathed once again. "I don't think you hate me. But even since we've met you didn't seem interested being friends with me. It seemed that you forced to stay near me because of Changgu, and I guess I should admit that I'm annoying when drunk."

Shinwon smiled at that. "I don't hate you, I assure you. Your relationship with Changgu made me feel out of place at first and I think I feared you'd steal him from me? Now it sounds silly but--"

"Yeah, it sounds silly."

The older made a face and flicked his dongsaeng's forehead. "Don't interrupt your elders."

"Sorry, hyu~ng."

He sighed. "Anyway, I don't hate you, Yan Anie."

Yan An smiled brightly at him and he suddenly remembered that the events at the party did _not_ end there, and it seemed that the younger remembered it as well. 

"You know hyung," he broke the silence for a third time that day. This was the most talkative - and open - the foreigner had been in front of Shinwon, _ever_. Including whenever their friend in common was with them and when he was drunk. "I used to think I could never love more than one person. I thought one day I'd find the boy for me and never let him go, and as soon as I started talking to Changgu I thought he'd be the one. And I still think-- I know I love him. But _hyung_ ," he was tearing up, although he fought the tears back, not looking at the older, "I also know I love you, Koh Shinwon."

The older was frozen looking at the one in front of him. He didn't know what to say, he wasn't even sure what he felt. Suddenly his mind echoed Hyunggu's words, and _shit_ he should have heard him.

Noticing his hyung had nothing to say, he spoke once more. "I know you don't love me back, I know your heart is his, but if I didn't told you soon I'd combust. I'm sure it was just the alcohol but... I loved that kiss, and I felt so guilty for that--"

"Don't."

His voice had been low but it was enough to make him stop. He hadn't noticed, but irrationally he got closer to the youngest face, and once he stared directly at him he become hyperconscious of that. 

He licked his lips and spoke again. "Don't be guilty, it wasn't your fault it happened. Or did you forget I started it?"

"You were drunk, hyung."

"I didn't regret it, Yan An."

The younger blinked and a tear left his cheek, Shinwon cleaning it with his thumb. "You didn't?"

"No", he honestly said. "My feelings got a bit confused after it happened but I'm certain of this at least."

The Chinese boy touched their foreheads and closed his eyes. "I'm glad."

"Since you've been honest about your feelings to me, I think I should do the same," the older started. "I thought I'd be forever single and alone. I've been loving him for so long I don't even know what is like not to love him. But I'm pretty sure he only sees me as a friend, so I didn't even try. However a certain boy made everything I knew twist."

They smiled to each other. 

"I think I need some time to understand.. _this_."

"It's reasonable. Don't worry, hyung. Take all the time you want. I'll wait for you, and I'm sure that so will Changgu."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The clock hit four pm, which meant the last class of the day had just ended. Shinwon left a breath, he didn't hate his major but it could be a pain on his butt sometimes. He was glad it was over now, he could go home and lie down until the next day, his favourite hobby. He couldn't wait to go.

But then he left the classroom and Changgu was there. Changgu. All by himself, standing a bit far from the door and looking down, waiting. As the older approached him, he looked up and smiled, but he could see the younger’s face was tired. He had bags under his eyes and it seemed a bit reddish.

“Changgu, what are you doing here? Don't you only have morning classes today?”

“Yeah, but I wanted to see you,” his smile grow. “That was your last class right?”

He nodded.

“It's been a while since we don't go out so I decided to step by. Is it fine by you?”

“Of course,” he said as the younger started moving. “So, are we heading somewhere specific or--”

“Just follow me and you'll see, hyung.”

So that's what he did, silently walking by his dongsaeng’s side and sharing small talk. Changgu talked how he was doing at his major, mentioning he thought it was too easy and ended up being behind almost every subject, but with Yan An’s help didn't risk failing. Sadly the younger of the two wasn't as great either. The only problem the Chinese had was the language barrier, but that was enough to drag his scores down. Besides that, though, he understood very well.

“-- but I think I'll manage. There's only one project I must finish and I still have a few days so I think I'm saved.”

“I see. Hey, Changgu, is there something bothering you recently?”

The younger looked confused. “Me? No, why?”

“Well,” the older started. “You has been having trouble with sleeping right? That often happens when you have something in your mind, or is having some emotional distress, but I don't remember you mentioning any crushes so I guess that's not it.”

The smaller stopped walking and stared at the floor, but Shinwon only noticed a few steps later.

“...is it?”

Changgu stared back at his hyung with an expressionless (yet pink) face. A few seconds passed until he left a small laugh and walked once more. “You know me too well, hyung, that's not fun.”

The older didn't know what to think of it but the conversation ended there and he thought it'd be better to not press it. But there was no way it was it, right? Even if he was crushing on Yan An, who seemed to be the most logical conclusion, he would _still_ tell him. And he was pretty sure that he was the closest person to his dongsaeng after himself, so there was no way it was someone--

Wait. _After himself_ … Nah, it couldn't be. All these years passed and Changgu showed _no_ interest in him romantically. He had a few girlfriends and boyfriends as they got older, and he would always come to his hyung for advice (or to let him cry on his shoulder). It didn't make sense for him to like him, his behavior around himself didn't change… Or did it? Maybe he didn't notice.

Oh my God Shinwon, you're over thinking _again_.

“Here we are!”, Changgu shouted, and started to run. Shinwon’s automatic response was to chase him down.

They were at the park. It made sense, it was their favourite place to go together when they were younger.

The duo spent a while chasing each other as if they were back into middle school, but the fun ended faster than it used to because they didn't have the same energy from back then.

“I'm old,” Shinwon complained as they spread themselves on the grass. His clothing would be wrecked and he'd hate himself later but for now, he wouldn't mind.

“We both are. I miss those days.”

“Yeah… I do too.”

“Hyung,” Changgu said after a while. “Do you remember last time we came here?”

A humm. “Yan An was with us.”

“No, not that time. Before that.”

“Ah. You mean the day I graduated from high school? What about that?”

“You remember what you told me?”

Of course he did. He remembered everything that happened that day, the graduation ceremony, the hamburger mountain he had for dinner, the two of them escaping to the park after eating… Changgu scared they'd grow apart.

“Yeah, I do. I told you I'd never leave you.”

He heard the grass moving and assumed the younger nodded. “You said that no matter what you'd be still by my side. You promised me that you'd wait for my turn, and you did keep your promise.”

“Why would I break a promise I did to a crybaby? It'd be insensitive.”

A gasp. “I'm not a crybaby.”

“You did cry like a baby thought.”

“I really feared you'd leave me for good!”

“You were seventeen. Who cries at seventeen?”

“I grew up! Ugh, never mind! You're so annoying sometimes.”

“You still bare with me though.”

“Of course! I--”

“You…?”

The continuation never came.

“I… think it's time for us to go back. It's getting dark", he got up and - uselessly - hit his coat hoping it'd get clean. "Anyway, hyung, thanks for coming. I missed those meetings we had. It feels weird to not have Yan An around but I was feeling nostalgic.”

Shinwon nodded. “Are you sure you are fine?”

“Yeah, hyung, I'm fine. Just have a lot in my mind recently.”

“Enough to keep you awake?”

A laugh. “Yeah. Anyway, let's go hyung.”

He had missed it. He had missed having his beloved dongsaeng with him, and _only_ him. He had thought a bit about his feelings, and after what Yan An told him at his house he was trying to figure things out. He had already suspected loving his childhood friend, and because of the younger of the trio befriending him it became clearer, but at the same time he didn't know what the Chinese was for him. But when the older parted ways with Changgu, he remembered the time he looked back and he was with his foreigner friend, loudly laughing at something by themselves. And then, it _clicked_.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

> **CONTACTS**
> 
>   * Changguya♡
>   * Huihui♪
>   * Jinhoyaㅋㅋㅋ
>   * KangKinoJjang
>   * Seokkiehyung×××
>   * Seokkie Puppy 
>   * **Yan Anie**
>   * Yuto Kitty
> 

> 
> Changing contact name, do you accept? 
> 
> Yan Anie >> Yan Anie♡
> 
> Cancel                                 **Okay**  

   

> Contact name successfully changed. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When he called Hyunggu asking for an urgent midnight meet up two weeks after that, he was _not_ expecting to be dragged into a gay bar. 

"Alcohol frees the soul," he'd said, although the older didn't think the same. 

"Aren't you too young to say that?"

"I became legal this year," he grinned, handing him a disgusting beer. "So, why did you call me?"

Shinwon drank it one shot. "I love them both."

The shorter blinked but quickly smiled and patted his back. "Tell me everything!"

And he _did_ told him, he let everything out. The alcohol probably made him talk a little bit too much but he wasn't sober enough care. Told how he loved when Changgu blabbed about what happened in class, but also when Yan An slipped some Chinese or mispronounced something and tried to cover up. Loved how Changgu helped when the younger didn't know how a certain word and loved how Yan An would suddenly become fluent when teasing someone. How he wasn't sure who was the most charming out of the two of them since they were _so_ good looking.   
  
"Wow. Hyung, you're double whipped."  
  
"Thank you, mister obvious." He took another shot. “Weren't you supposed to help me? Why are we drinking in a gay bar?”

“Why not? Don't worry hyung, I'll help you.”

“Yeah?”

“Go to your group chat and tell them you wanna suck both their dicks at once.”

Hyunggu deserved that kick. “I'm not going to say something like that, it's-- it's embarrassing!”

“Well, Yuto said that to us and it worked, so you will never know without trying.”

“I'm not Yuto, Hyunggu-yah.”

The younger grinned at him and drank his beer. Shinwon did the same, probably a few times more, as the shorter man spoke.

“But seriously hyung, you should just tell them. Yan An-hyung already confessed to you, right? And I'm pretty sure Changgu-hyung is on the same boat, but maybe he didn't notice it yet and that's why he didn't say a thing.”

Shinwon left a hiccup. “What if he only cares about Yan Anie~? Fuck, that'd be death.”

Hyunggu silently handed him another drink. “Let everything out. You'll feel better later.”

“I already hate you for that.”

“Love you too, hyung~ hey, isn't that Hyojongie-hyung?”

The older didn't care, he just wanted to drink and cry and cuss. But then the short boy was waving at someone and moments later someone sat by his other side.

“Hyunggu-yah, Shinwon-ah, what are you doing here?”

 _“Drowning,”_ the older of the two spat.

The maknae couldn't help but laugh. “Hyung is dealing with multiple feelings.”

“Oh, does it have to do with the ninety six duo?”

Shinwon looked up at him and decided to ignore the fact everything was blurry. _“How.”_

“I guessed. Usually I'm right about these kind of things.”

“Unless it's about a certain senior of yours, hmm~”, the youngest of the three said with a teasing rhythm. “A music production major hyung who practices every morning~ _'Hyunggu-yah, you should hear his angelical voice'!_ ”, he mocked, rising the pitch of his voice. 

And Hyojong actually blushed. “I have no idea what you're talking about.”

“Come on hyung, admit you're crushing _hard_ on Lee Hwit--”

Shinwon was suddenly up, arms above his head. “Fuck you two, I wanna dance.”

The other two shared a glare and then looked back at him, who was walking (with a _lot_ of difficulty) to the dance floor. “Hey, hyung, I think you're not in conditions for that?”

“What, don't you two love dancing? _Shut up and dance with me~”_

“Seriously Shinwon, you should go home.”

The drunk man looked offended at that. “Wasn't you the party dude? Don't ruin my fun, hyung, I'll probably wake up wrecked tomorrow so lemme do whatever toni~ght!”

Hyojong holded him by his arms, with the youngest behind him in case he felt down. “No way, you're going home, little boy.”

“Never mind what I told you, Hyunggu. I love you, hyung is the worst.”

“Yeah yeah, hyung is the worst, that's why he's bringing you home. Move your fat ass faster please.”

“Rude.”

 

 

 

 

  

  

 

 

 

  

> 2:40am: (me @ the visuals) i was thinkin
> 
> 2:41am: (me @ the visuals) if were all visuals
> 
> 2:41am: (me @ the visuals) whos The visual
> 
> 2:41am: (me @ the visuals) the Ultimate Visual™
> 
> 2:58am: (me @ the visuals) will we have to fight each other to figure it out
> 
> 3:03am: (Yan Anie♡ @ the visuals) r u drunk
> 
> 3:04am: (me @ the visuals) no kkkkkkk
> 
> 3:04am: (me @ the visuals) omg u sent dad at 3 3 am kkkkk
> 
> 3:04am: (me @ the visuals) cool
> 
> 3:05am: (Yan Anie♡ @ the visuals) k so ur ass is druk wherr r u
> 
> 3:05am: (Yan Anie♡ @ the visuals) i cant drive butt i can wake cg up so thats smth
> 
> 3:07am: (me @ the visuals) im @ bordom
> 
> 3:08am: (me @ the visuals) hyojongiehyung is a fickngh party pooper for driving me home
> 
> 3:08am: (me @ the visuals) TEH ASSHOLE OUT ME TO S L E EP EHEN IM SO GROWN UP ALREADY
> 
> 3:09am: (Yan Anie♡ @ the visuals) hjhyung? party pooper???? lol
> 
> 3:09am: (Yan Anie♡ @ the visuals) hes jsut not a dikc
> 
> 3:11am: (me @ the visuals) i dont believe huuu
> 
> 3:14am: (Yan Anie♡ @ the visuals) wtv
> 
> 3:15am: (Yan Anie♡ @ the visuals) but answering ur questing
> 
> 3:15am: (Yan Anie♡ @ the visuals) this groups visual is
> 
> 3:16am: (Yan Anie♡ @ the visuals) tamtamtamtammmmmmm
> 
> 3:17am: (Yan Anie♡ @ the visuals) obvsly me
> 
> 3:17am: (Yan Anie♡ @ the visuals) now go 2slewp hyun

* * *

> 7:03am: (Changguya♡ @ the visuals) what the 
> 
> 7:04am: (Yan Anie♡ @ the visuals) i hate hjhyung
> 
> 7:04am: (Changguya♡ @ the visuals) Why. 
> 
> 7:04am: (Changguya♡ @ the visuals) are you typing on the chat while im in the same place s you
> 
> 7:05am: (Yan Anie♡ @ the visuals) 1, u startd
> 
> 7:06am: (Yan Anie♡ @ the visuals) 2, im dead tired n wan2 sleep mre
> 
> 7:07am: (Yan Anie♡ @ thhe visuals) 3  so hyung can see wat we talkin 2
> 
> 7:07am: (Changguya♡ @ the visuals) ...
> 
> 7:07am: (Changguya♡ @ the visuals) fair

* * *

>  10:36am: (me @ the visuals) remind me to never ever drink again. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The chat group was, indeed, a great idea. Thank you once more, Yan An.

It took them the rest of the semester for them to meet up again, the three of them. When they couldn't meet on the halls or during lunch, or even after seeing each other a few minutes ago, they'd text about their day, or a new song they found, or just randomly talk. It made them closer, Shinwon felt, and by _them_ he meant the three of them. Changgu and him were the closest, for obvious reasons, but as they grow up their connection got weak. Then came Yan An, who quickly befriended Changgu, which by the start only helped to make it weaker, but now was a part of their relationship too. The older started opening up more to the Chinese, who in return did the same.

When the semester was over, Shinwon cheered. He was dead tired, starting to regret his life choices, but the exams were finally done until a few months. That meant he could rest, but that also meant he could hang with his two dongsaengs. _Together,_ this time. They did try to go out as duos instead of trios but it never made sense. Something, _someone_ was missing.

The older received a message on their chat inviting him to the other two's flat for a movie night. Yan An even said for him to bring his pajamas, declaring it'd be a ‘boys sleepover’, and Changgu didn't really complain about that, yet he made clear that it wasn't on their plans for that to happen.

But there he was, less than half an hour later, sitting on their couch in pajamas.

"Let's watch a drama!"

"Wasn't hyung supposed to pick?"

"I'm fine with anything."

Yan An smiled. "Drama it is then. Changgu-yah, are the popcorns done?"

“Coming~!"

Soon the younger Korean left the kitchen and sat on the middle of the other two.

“Hey! I wanted to be in the middle!”

“Let him be, Yan An-ah. He's a brat who loves to be spoiled.”

The younger seemed like he wanted to argue but didn't say anything.

“Are we ready for the movie then?”

“Wait”, Changgu suddenly said. “Before we watch it, I think I should say the real reason why I suggested us to have this sleep over thing.”

Shinwon blinked. “There was a reason?”

“Neither I knew it.”

The boy in the middle breathed in and then out, eyes closed. Then he opened them, but keep staring away from his sides, where his friends were standing and looking at him. “I was thinking about a few things, and I finally got an answer. You know, when this year started I thought it'd be just like middle school and high school, but in the end it wasn't a bit similar.” He looked at his right, where Shinwon was. “Hyung was here but our schedules never fit, and even if our relationship was still strong I missed you a lot,” and then looked at Yan An, sitting to his left, “but I wasn't entirely alone since I had you. You weren't hyung but soon I realized I held both of you equally dear.” He then rested his head on the couch, looking up. “It was so confusing I couldn't sleep, but I understand it now.”

Shinwon and Yan An shared a glare, and then they both hugged him.

“We understand you, Changgu. For me is was a train of feelings too. And I'm positive hyung was just as confused.”

“Yeah, it was hell.”

Changgu hummed. “I'm glad we're all on the same page. I mean, we are in the same page, right?”

“It depends,” Shinwon teased. “Do you love me, Changgu-yah?”

The boy blushed and nodded.

“What about me, Changgu?”

“You too… I love you too.”

“Cool, because I also love you both.”

“Same here. I love you”, the older kissed the younger’s cheek, “and I love you too,” and kissed the other too.

"So, hyung. Does this mean we're a thing?”

"Yeah. We're a thing."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

> You changed the group chat name to best bfs of the world♪♡♡
> 
> 19:01pm: (Yan Anie♡ @ best bfs of the world♪♡♡) ew
> 
> 19:01pm: (Changguya♡ @ best bfs of the world♪♡♡) aaawwwww hyung ♡♡♡
> 
> 19:01pm: (me @ best bfs of the world♪♡♡) there are 2 types of people
> 
> 19:02pm: (Changguya♡ @ best bfs of the world♪♡♡) and you love them both
> 
> 19:02pm: (Changguya♡ @ best bfs of the world♪♡♡) <3
> 
> 19:02pm: (me @ best bfs of the world♪♡♡) <3
> 
> 19:03pm: (Yan Anie♡ @ best bfs of the world♪♡♡) youre disgustly cute i hate tht i love u both
> 
> 19:03pm: (Yan Anie♡) <3

**Author's Note:**

> what an ot3  
> and what a monster I never wrote That much and I have the feeling I'll have to review it after like, a week or month from now,,, I'm so tired right now I can't see the mistakes orz sorry!!!! send me hate @ heecheondo on twt :*


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